I missed the "Don's Death" anniversary post. What can I say, except we can't believe it's been a year? We can't believe how strong we've become? We can't imagine going through that again?
Hospice house is the worst place in the world. It's terrible, oppressive and pretty much hell. I am glad it exists and I understand the need and glad they could find a place that would take care of him.
Cancer is exhausting and painful. It gives you time to process the death, but none of the cliche things they say about cancer are true. It's all a bunch of bullshit, at least it was in this case. Maybe it's easier for some people and each death is different. I'm glad I got to witness it as a younger age, because it helps me make plans for my parents and it helps me to know what can and can't happen in the health care system.
One year or so ago, we sat, after the funeral, after the wake, after the burial, and watched TV, because Don had every single cable package ever. True Blood marathon was on. People would call the house in the morning, early, early, early, and I would curse them. "Don't they know there has been a death? None of us can answer the phone this early!"
And all of us just wanted to sleep, sleep, sleep and forget that in the middle of this sunny day, there was something really terrible happening.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Minnehahapolis
I made it back to Kansas City after a week away.
I'm not sure what it is about Minneapolis, maybe it's the fact that you can rent bikes there, that there are bike lockers and giant locker holders at every train station. Maybe it's that the Vikings and Twins stadiums are located downtown, right by 3 performing arts centers. Maybe it's the promotion potential or the restaurant we ate in at 3 AM on Friday night. Maybe it's the diverse neighborhoods or the fact that I'm just hungry for more urban exploring, but I loved this city. It could be that there are lakes everywhere, or that some of my good friends live there, but I LOVE it.
Coming back to Kansas City is hard. I forgot about everything, except for Dan and Nitro, and I am sure if they were up there with me and I had all of my stuff, it would have been 10 more weeks before I started to miss the city.
I resigned from my neighborhood post, effective in October. Now that I'm back, there are definite things that I would have missed. My hope isn't to hate on KC. In fact, I wish it all the best of luck. But I do know that to really change it, people have to get even more involved, and I'm burnt out. I feel like I'd either have to leave my job and devote all my energy to this city and improving it or I feel like I have to separate myself from it for awhile before I go crazy. It's been great watching people change it for the better, though, and watching people get recognized for their work. These people are the shining stars of this city and I hope that someday I can make as much of a difference as they have.
I'm not sure what it is about Minneapolis, maybe it's the fact that you can rent bikes there, that there are bike lockers and giant locker holders at every train station. Maybe it's that the Vikings and Twins stadiums are located downtown, right by 3 performing arts centers. Maybe it's the promotion potential or the restaurant we ate in at 3 AM on Friday night. Maybe it's the diverse neighborhoods or the fact that I'm just hungry for more urban exploring, but I loved this city. It could be that there are lakes everywhere, or that some of my good friends live there, but I LOVE it.
Coming back to Kansas City is hard. I forgot about everything, except for Dan and Nitro, and I am sure if they were up there with me and I had all of my stuff, it would have been 10 more weeks before I started to miss the city.
I resigned from my neighborhood post, effective in October. Now that I'm back, there are definite things that I would have missed. My hope isn't to hate on KC. In fact, I wish it all the best of luck. But I do know that to really change it, people have to get even more involved, and I'm burnt out. I feel like I'd either have to leave my job and devote all my energy to this city and improving it or I feel like I have to separate myself from it for awhile before I go crazy. It's been great watching people change it for the better, though, and watching people get recognized for their work. These people are the shining stars of this city and I hope that someday I can make as much of a difference as they have.
Friday, July 23, 2010
BACCK TO MINNEAPOLIS
The point of this blog was the 12 days we spent in MN going through a massive and stressful company conversion back in October after thinking we were going to be laid off for 2 years.
This time, I get to go back to MN and I'm psyched. No roommate this time, thank goodness, but I'm only staying in the hotel for one night, and staying with Georgia for the rest of the time. They live in a distant suburb, which will take me 20 minutes by bicycle and then 1 hour by bus to get to her house from the city. But it is preferred, I think, to not coming up to MN at all.
While I'm completely exhausted with the last few weeks, being overwhelmed by a family visit, a funeral, a bachelorette party, a wedding and then a 60 hour work week (just at my primary job), and helping slightly with the Pilgrim Chapel film festival, I am also looking forward to this trip to Minneapolis.
How does one decide where they want to live? Is Minneapolis the place for me? Certainly, I feel connected to it having visited so much as a child and having family there. I feel more at home up North, even though I hate winter, I can see myself skiing every day. And I can definitely see myself getting promoted, right???
So, Saturday night, I have a hotel room since Georgia was staying at the lake until Sunday. I was trying to imagine what I'd do on Saturday, and the answer has become mostly clear: Sit in the hottub. Swim. Run downtown, check out the rent a bike thing. paint my toenails. read some really, really good books. Watch all the cable TV I can imagine. Order some roomservice.
ANd then, sleep. Endless, uninterrupted, soft-pillow sleep.
I really don't care how boring that sounds. It sounds hella lonely without Dan, but Damn, it's what I need.
Have just finished reading "A Secret History." Lukewarm on it. I don't believe in greek tragedies anymore, perhaps because I'm too honest. Couldn't these characters have just come forward and asked each other an honest question?
A thousand acres was just so much better-Shakespearian tragedies, ftw!
This time, I get to go back to MN and I'm psyched. No roommate this time, thank goodness, but I'm only staying in the hotel for one night, and staying with Georgia for the rest of the time. They live in a distant suburb, which will take me 20 minutes by bicycle and then 1 hour by bus to get to her house from the city. But it is preferred, I think, to not coming up to MN at all.
While I'm completely exhausted with the last few weeks, being overwhelmed by a family visit, a funeral, a bachelorette party, a wedding and then a 60 hour work week (just at my primary job), and helping slightly with the Pilgrim Chapel film festival, I am also looking forward to this trip to Minneapolis.
How does one decide where they want to live? Is Minneapolis the place for me? Certainly, I feel connected to it having visited so much as a child and having family there. I feel more at home up North, even though I hate winter, I can see myself skiing every day. And I can definitely see myself getting promoted, right???
So, Saturday night, I have a hotel room since Georgia was staying at the lake until Sunday. I was trying to imagine what I'd do on Saturday, and the answer has become mostly clear: Sit in the hottub. Swim. Run downtown, check out the rent a bike thing. paint my toenails. read some really, really good books. Watch all the cable TV I can imagine. Order some roomservice.
ANd then, sleep. Endless, uninterrupted, soft-pillow sleep.
I really don't care how boring that sounds. It sounds hella lonely without Dan, but Damn, it's what I need.
Have just finished reading "A Secret History." Lukewarm on it. I don't believe in greek tragedies anymore, perhaps because I'm too honest. Couldn't these characters have just come forward and asked each other an honest question?
A thousand acres was just so much better-Shakespearian tragedies, ftw!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
WEdding--and back to normal
SO, my friend is married, the reception hall is cleaned, the presents were delivered and opened, the photos are updated on Flickr and all of the sappy stuff I wrote to her has been viewed. Man, what a day. I think we literally danced until midnight (at the club, not at the reception) and life is now back to normal for me. I am resisting the urge to check all wedding guests' status updates and search for photos from the wedding.
Instead, I will do something that I really, really needed to do: SLEEP.
Welcome back to reality!
Whew.
PS: Tomorrow, at 630 AM, I will be IN the Overland Park office, ready to work. Which means that tomorrow, at 5:50 AM, I will be leaving the house. Which means that tomorrow, at 5:10 AM, I will be waking up.
Haven't done that since I flew to DC in January. Boo.
Instead, I will do something that I really, really needed to do: SLEEP.
Welcome back to reality!
Whew.
PS: Tomorrow, at 630 AM, I will be IN the Overland Park office, ready to work. Which means that tomorrow, at 5:50 AM, I will be leaving the house. Which means that tomorrow, at 5:10 AM, I will be waking up.
Haven't done that since I flew to DC in January. Boo.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Going back to Minneapolis
I am spending 7 days in Minneapolis at the end of July! Now I just have to find a place to stay, since I asked my company to send me there and figured I'd have a greater chance of getting approved if they didn't have to provide the ROOM part of the trip. It's hard to concentrate on Minneapolis after a funeral and with a wedding coming right up.
Did I mention that my BFF is getting MARRIED this weekend? It hardly seems real. So I am going to savor all of the moments that one has when trying to imagine their friend getting married soon.
Did I mention that my BFF is getting MARRIED this weekend? It hardly seems real. So I am going to savor all of the moments that one has when trying to imagine their friend getting married soon.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
One minute you're laughing
Hahahaha.
I had just finished a great Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun day with Jade, Ryan, Mom, Brandon. The trip to the park was great and lasted all day, and I'm sure I walked 4000 miles and went on roller coasters that were faster than the speed of light. Turns outwe were just packing up the car when I got a text message from Dan. I'd been secretly hoping that I could make a trip back to IA, somehow compact NItro and myself into the Explorer and squeeze with 4 people in the back seat, but realized that working on some house projects and actually resting might be better for me. But the text message said "Please call me, Andy overdosed last night."
So I called him.
"Hey, did you listen to my voicemail?"
Me: No, what did it say? I just checked my phone, you said Andy overdosed?
Dan: Well, Andy did overdose and he's dead!
me: Dead? He's DEAD?
I turn to my mom to tell her, and then run upstairs and talk to Dan a bit more. I think I said something like "Dead/dead? like no return?" As if there were some other type of dead?
And then it was true, but no one knew how yet or why or when or who or any of those other details that you somehow need in order to piece together a puzzle of someone you used to know. Such began the arrangements of pulling the suitcases, funeral clothes, dog food, wrapping up work and packing everything into a car to go to a funeral for someone who is only 18. Turns out the funeral can't be until later because it takes awhile to get the body back from the coroner and the autopsy and all of that.
In the interim, I kept looking at my brother and sister and imagining how terrible it would be to die if you were only age 18. I couldn't say no to many of their requests, kept wanting to indulge them for as long as I could. My sister must have somehow sensed this fear I was having and decided she would try sushi for the first time, after all.
I guess it's the little things that make life better.
I had just finished a great Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun day with Jade, Ryan, Mom, Brandon. The trip to the park was great and lasted all day, and I'm sure I walked 4000 miles and went on roller coasters that were faster than the speed of light. Turns outwe were just packing up the car when I got a text message from Dan. I'd been secretly hoping that I could make a trip back to IA, somehow compact NItro and myself into the Explorer and squeeze with 4 people in the back seat, but realized that working on some house projects and actually resting might be better for me. But the text message said "Please call me, Andy overdosed last night."
So I called him.
"Hey, did you listen to my voicemail?"
Me: No, what did it say? I just checked my phone, you said Andy overdosed?
Dan: Well, Andy did overdose and he's dead!
me: Dead? He's DEAD?
I turn to my mom to tell her, and then run upstairs and talk to Dan a bit more. I think I said something like "Dead/dead? like no return?" As if there were some other type of dead?
And then it was true, but no one knew how yet or why or when or who or any of those other details that you somehow need in order to piece together a puzzle of someone you used to know. Such began the arrangements of pulling the suitcases, funeral clothes, dog food, wrapping up work and packing everything into a car to go to a funeral for someone who is only 18. Turns out the funeral can't be until later because it takes awhile to get the body back from the coroner and the autopsy and all of that.
In the interim, I kept looking at my brother and sister and imagining how terrible it would be to die if you were only age 18. I couldn't say no to many of their requests, kept wanting to indulge them for as long as I could. My sister must have somehow sensed this fear I was having and decided she would try sushi for the first time, after all.
I guess it's the little things that make life better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)