Return home!

I made a whirlwind trip this weekend and am back home. I went and spent some serious time (ie: more than 1 hour) in my hometown, Cedar Falls, IA. It's still weird to look around at things when you're at an adult height. Nothing is as imposing or scary. Everything is cardboard, cookiecutter, just like you left it. (My neighborhood there was built in the 1970s). There's the weird memories of learning how to swim, seeing your elementary school, driving by the old track. There's the experience of replacing my turquoise encrusted apple ring for the 4th or 5th time, just like every time.

Some people stay where they grew up, and some move away. I was forced to leave, and I didn't want to, and I was lucky enough to come back to CF for this visit, and loved it. Some people get to continue to see their piano teachers, babysitters, old coaches and former teachers, and their lives are richer because of it. While I'm not given that luxury, I don't mind as much anymore. I realize that I have my own memories of everyone and they've largely forgotten me, so perhaps there is no point.

So, this weekend, I took stock of what has changed for me:
1) The old swimming pool. It's covered in grass and trees now, largely vanished. Alisha and I spent most of our 14th summer there. I recall the silly things we did, searching for an extra nickel for an extra jolly rancher, following the ridiculous kid around with the green snorkeling kit, searching for reasonably cute boys, who were not there. I remember wondering if I'd EVER get a boyfriend, if I'd EVER become pretty, like everyone else, and wonder what else I could possibly do to be thinner. The pool has been replaced by a bigger one, with infinite water slides, water drops/splashes, a high dive, a regular diving board, a drop slide, karaoke, and it costs $6.00 for entrance. 6 DOLLARS? I used to go for $1.25. So I took full advantage of this pool, mostly by using the high platform (got stuck at the end in intense fear!), I DOVE off of the springboard diving board, a very rare occurrence. I slid down the 4 foot drop slide and plunged into 12 foot water, and I played a bunch with my friend's kids. They're adorable and still learning how to swim and the concept of holding their breath underwater is still foreign. I still remember how bravely Jade plunged through the water at the old pool, my little sister fish.

Children, I'm not sure I want them. I like playing with my friend's kids, but the full-time commitment they bring does not elicit joy for me. Perhaps I will never really be ready for them. I have become OK with this. Sacrifice was never for me, Jesus Christ, I am not.

Anyway, I went to the town festival and suddenly realized how many Victorian houses Cedar Falls has. (LOVE IT!) We drank beer, which would make my husband proud, and I began the intricate and impossible work of an old friendship and it's disrepair or confusion. We hadn't seen each other at all for 3.5 years. And suddenly, we were interacting. What can one do? I chose to ride the upside down galleon carnival ride. Mine really had duct tape holding part of the cage together. I went in anyway. 7 minutes later, I realized I had no idea what up or down and that my stomach was not, in fact, located in my left ear. My skirt flew up about 90 times and I was caught in the beautiful-up-side down view of downtown Cedar Falls. I tried to remember it, for posterity. Perhaps the other riders found it as beautiful as I did. Iowa holds many secrets.

Slept and awakened, courtesy of MIke Drahaus. His life is very different now, and that's a good thing. It's weird to see what people make of their lives. They become small town celebrities, masters in martial arts, and it's beautiful. I live an anonymous life in the city, wishing for recognition, and someone goes out and just does it. Power, power. Everyone in Iowa was whitebread, so few hipsters. I didn't feel out of place at all, I just wished I was thinner.

My cousin got married in the Strayer-wood Theatre. It's another place where I used to be, where I watched the play "noises off" and laughed my ass off, and had a few introductory theater experiences. It was a beautiful wedding though. She's my stepcousin, I guess, and we aren't yet close. I'd love to get to know her better. I can't really say which bride she was most like, but it was gorgeous, and I cried during her wedding. Hearing someone soar over the musical notes "At last" with bravado and gusto can do that to you! Then we danced and danced and danced and there was karaoke and more drinking and I loved it.

Weekends like this make life worth living. Coming home to my husband and our house after a weekend away makes life even richer. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to live this long and I wonder why more people don't hurl themselves from the high dive, dance like no one really is watching, propel themselves upside down and giggle the entire time.