Moving up & moving on?

I'm writing while sitting on the hardwood floor in the place where my couch used to be. It left behind a whole bunch of dog fur and the cash we got for selling it. I was so excited to buy it and also excited to say goodbye and on to another contemporary set, but perhaps a bit softer and a bit more conducive to the weekend night cuddling sessions on the couch.

Packing the rest of the house is hard. Some things you need, some things you don't, but you want to be sure you don't need it. And you don't know what to do with the barbie set you had since you were little and you don't know if you should really keep the scrapbooking stuff, because you're probably never going to do it again, right?

But the hardest part goes back to the theme I keep repeating, the painful year we finished in 2009. I think I concentrated so hard on being ok after everything happened that I didn't really let myself do the grieving I had to do. So it's hard to pack up the wedding photos and see that 5 people from our rehearsal dinner are dead. It's hard to see photos of my grandparents, because half of them are now dead, and it's hard to see pictures of my parents, because they're divorced. And it's hard to see pictures of Dan's parents, because of his dad. I hid most of our family photos last summer because the reminders were too painful and I'm finding it's still the case while packing everything up.

Yet, it is all ok, because we're so much stronger than we knew. And because I really dont think I'll mind being in an apartment again and because I really want to go shopping for a fun new couch. I am not sure what it means to be stronger now, but I guess it means that a great deal of shit would have to fly my way before I break down. And it means that when things actually go well (See future entry about Roger & me) I'm joyous.

Jessica and Scott are married now and their wedding was great. He wore flipflops, she wore red pumps. He wore a suit, her dress was made on Etsy. They had a potluck dinner, which was 100X better than any other wedding food I've had, mostly because of the hundreds of vegetarian options and mostly because people make their best dishes for it. WIne! It flowed freely, and 4 glasses flowed into my belly. And I wasn't even drunk, which is a shame, because by the end of the night, it was really hard to be the only sober person. I danced alone to the song "Stuck here in the middle with you." I rather enjoy that song, just because I love Reservoir Dogs.

Their wedding was a play instead of a formality where people walk down the aisle with their families and all wear matching dresses. The people that stood up with them explained the story of how they grew up, how they met and how they got engaged. It was a big deal for Jess to get married and a big deal for her to get engaged, and if she ever has children, all of us will be shocked and paint ourselves purple. Doesn't seem that long ago when Jess was dating that bad, bad boy or when she was girlishly waiting for the phone call from the hottie in class. Then there came Scott....

Now I go back to packing. I think tonight it's going to be some of the pillows and blankets and laundry. Here's hoping we have enough boxes!