WoW!?!

 A bazillion years ago, I hated my job in KC. I hated the people I worked with (though now I don't mind them so much), I hated my boss, I hated my boss's boss. I hated the ghetto building we were stuck in when there was a beautiful downtown office that could have absorbed us, I hated the crummy cafeteria, and I hated the other managers whom I didn't report to. I hated the job itself.

But people were getting laid off. It was a recession, a new company was buying us out and I had also convinced myself that the problem at the office was all my fault, and though some of it was, I know now that I should have stood up for myself a lot more.

 Frequently I begged to quit, but the cash bonuses were always enticing enough to keep staying b/c of the buyout. Plus you shouldn't quit when you have a job and the rest of the world is unemployed.

I watched part of Schindler's List where the prisoners were hiding in latrines to avoid death. I decided that if people could stand in 5 feet of human excrement, and survive the holocaust, then I could go to work every day and get paid. Literally, that's how I managed to get through some days.

In hindsight, I have no idea how bad or good it really was for me. But I begged my husband to quit. I promised I'd find another job soon. I promised I'd cash out my 401k and we'd live on it. I said I was going crazy. I cried a bazillion times at work and couldn't get it together. Sometimes he'd say with a ton of hesitancy that I could quit, but I knew he didn't really mean it. He thought it was a terrible idea, we didn't want to live on less $$$.

 Flashfoward: A friend was going through the same thing. She *did* quit her job, after several months of holding on until her wedding & honeymoon passed. She is a lot happier. The salary part sucks, but it is only temporary. Her husband was upset but understood, was scared, but accepted it. I encouraged her to do it and a week later she found a new, lower paying job, but still something that doesn't suck her soul away.

And I was angry--not at my friend, but just at the fact that I didn't have that kind of partnership. I was mad that the hubby didn't understand and didn't care that I was truly miserable. That money was valued more than me.

I learned a lot about what I could handle, though, and the job today is 100% better. I love it & I am in touch with some of the people I used to hate. Coworkers and I have talked through the BS and gotten to a new and healthier place.  I adjusted my attitude.  Life is good.

The reason I write this now is because my husband just apologized to me for not letting me quit. His words: "I understand now what it must have been like for you. I wish I had gotten it then, but I get it now. I'm sorry I was such a turd. It wasn't worth it."

4 years later, but never too late. :)