Yep. I am not a fan.
Except for like the 12 seconds where he appears in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, and I only like him there because that film is hilariously delicious when you really want White Castle. Wait. No one ever really wants White Castle.
At any rate, today I am 30 weeks pregnant, which means the baby is 75% ready to come out. Which means that I am excited and also not entirely sick of being pregnant yet, like I will be at 36 weeks, when the baby is 90% complete.
I don't know what it will be like when I can't feel her kicking all the time.
Hannibal Lecter:
Tell me, Senator: did you nurse Catherine yourself?
Senator Ruth Martin:
What?
Hannibal Lecter:
Did you breast-feed her?
Paul Krendler:
Now wait a minute...
Senator Ruth Martin:
Yes, I did.
Hannibal Lecter:
Toughened your nipples, didn't it?
"Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum,
when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?"
--Silence of the Lambs
While I realize that's the creepiest movie ever to relate to pregnancy, that's how I feel. Attached and bound forever and ever, not until only age 18 or 21, but really, forever, until I am rotting in the ground. These 9 months endear you to a foreign creature wholly. Oxytocin, a series of amino acids made into a protein, which all hormones are, makes you love the foreign creature, and nurture the entity that will soon bleat and stare at you incomprehensibly for 3 months until she learns how to smile and recognize the units who provided her life.
And her name is Esme, a French name, though no one in the family is French.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sunday night!
Stupid things about Sunday night that no one except me really cares about:
1) I can't breathe right now and it sucks. It's not asthma, but it feels like it. I blame the baby
2) I think we are getting a lovesac for Black Friday deals. Lifetime warranty, piece of furniture that kids love, lack of couch all make this a good thing in my book. Dan feels like our house would look like a colleg kid's apartment. He's not wrong. But a portable piece of durable furniture is ok with me.
3) Just got done watching Lincoln. Good flick, very political for the times. Not much has changed since the civil war, right?
4) Dan's birthday party went until 2 AM at the bar. I left at 11 for bowling and let everyone else keep going out for drinks at the next bar. While I can't manage to stay up that late, I'm glad Dan can still have fun with our friends. Steve left this morning for Iowa and one of our friends came up from KC for Dan's birthday, as a surprise. It was awesome. I miss everyone dearly.
5) I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast
Good list of stupid things. Carry on with your merry lives, my friends!
1) I can't breathe right now and it sucks. It's not asthma, but it feels like it. I blame the baby
2) I think we are getting a lovesac for Black Friday deals. Lifetime warranty, piece of furniture that kids love, lack of couch all make this a good thing in my book. Dan feels like our house would look like a colleg kid's apartment. He's not wrong. But a portable piece of durable furniture is ok with me.
3) Just got done watching Lincoln. Good flick, very political for the times. Not much has changed since the civil war, right?
4) Dan's birthday party went until 2 AM at the bar. I left at 11 for bowling and let everyone else keep going out for drinks at the next bar. While I can't manage to stay up that late, I'm glad Dan can still have fun with our friends. Steve left this morning for Iowa and one of our friends came up from KC for Dan's birthday, as a surprise. It was awesome. I miss everyone dearly.
5) I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast
Good list of stupid things. Carry on with your merry lives, my friends!
Friday, November 16, 2012
A week in review
My weeks are more and more routine. It's seemed like it hasn't been routine for months--really, ever since I got pregnant.
Monday: Prenatal class. We toured the birth center again and then talked about Cesarean delivery. I confess that I've ignored it over and over again because I refuse to believe that it will happen to me. But that does set oneself up for complete devastation and unpreparedness if it does happen. And so I shall watch the video and try to imagine it happening to me in the worst possible scenario.
Tuesday: Visit at the nursing home with old people. I had a hilarious moment or two with the person I visited with and then went home.
Wednesday: Visitation for Jack, my uncle. He was unrecognizable, sincerely, since he weighed 103 lbs when he died. He decided to get up and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night and fell and cracked his femur, which is what ended his life, ultimately. There was an 8-day old baby there, the grandson of Jack. His poor father (my cousin) had his first baby born on one day and his father die on the next. I gawked and drooled over the baby girl--so tiny--and it was so hard to wait until our baby is born.
My aunt was in town for the funeral, so we went out for pizza and then I showed her all of the baby stuff we have and are planning and she was thinking of all of the baby things we'll need. It was endearing--and now the baby has a few more pretty dresses because of my aunt.
Thursday: My mom came up for the funeral and we sat through church service. Right before the service, we saw an albino squirrel, which I guess is quite common up here but I'd never seen one. At the end of mass, the unexpected happened: A lone bagpipe player came to lead the recessional and played Amazing Grace.
We joked that they should give everyone fair waring before we attend a funeral like that--it was a tear jerker. There were no dry eyes in the congregation. My mom came over after the service and saw our house for the first time and the baby's room and all of her clothes, waiting for her arrival.
And today.... today I rest, because I am lame and lazy and wake up at 4 AM every day.
12 more weeks until the baby comes and I can barely wait. This week, I haven't been in too much pain or discomfort, but a little. I think I might give up spin class soon--and I also really hope I lose the weight quickly, because I just realized how much weight Ive gained in the last 2 years in MN (looking at photos of the past me is really depressing now). It always happens that you hate how fat you look at the present and then when you look at it in the past, you notice how "skinny" you were before. ;P
Monday: Prenatal class. We toured the birth center again and then talked about Cesarean delivery. I confess that I've ignored it over and over again because I refuse to believe that it will happen to me. But that does set oneself up for complete devastation and unpreparedness if it does happen. And so I shall watch the video and try to imagine it happening to me in the worst possible scenario.
Tuesday: Visit at the nursing home with old people. I had a hilarious moment or two with the person I visited with and then went home.
Wednesday: Visitation for Jack, my uncle. He was unrecognizable, sincerely, since he weighed 103 lbs when he died. He decided to get up and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night and fell and cracked his femur, which is what ended his life, ultimately. There was an 8-day old baby there, the grandson of Jack. His poor father (my cousin) had his first baby born on one day and his father die on the next. I gawked and drooled over the baby girl--so tiny--and it was so hard to wait until our baby is born.
My aunt was in town for the funeral, so we went out for pizza and then I showed her all of the baby stuff we have and are planning and she was thinking of all of the baby things we'll need. It was endearing--and now the baby has a few more pretty dresses because of my aunt.
Thursday: My mom came up for the funeral and we sat through church service. Right before the service, we saw an albino squirrel, which I guess is quite common up here but I'd never seen one. At the end of mass, the unexpected happened: A lone bagpipe player came to lead the recessional and played Amazing Grace.
We joked that they should give everyone fair waring before we attend a funeral like that--it was a tear jerker. There were no dry eyes in the congregation. My mom came over after the service and saw our house for the first time and the baby's room and all of her clothes, waiting for her arrival.
And today.... today I rest, because I am lame and lazy and wake up at 4 AM every day.
12 more weeks until the baby comes and I can barely wait. This week, I haven't been in too much pain or discomfort, but a little. I think I might give up spin class soon--and I also really hope I lose the weight quickly, because I just realized how much weight Ive gained in the last 2 years in MN (looking at photos of the past me is really depressing now). It always happens that you hate how fat you look at the present and then when you look at it in the past, you notice how "skinny" you were before. ;P
Sunday, November 11, 2012
A weekend, uninterrupted
For the first time, EVER, I made no plans for the weekend. I went to Friday Night Happy Hour, and saw all my favorite coworkers.
But I had no plans for Saturday.
No plans for Sunday.
This is rare, usually we'll call someone or do something or blah blah blah, but this time, I was just not interested. Yes, I would love to hang around my house all weekend, watching Downton Abbey and reading a lot of books and cleaning.
Could be because our week went something like this:
Monday: Birth Class
Tuesday: Vote, Celebrate our 8th Anniversary (!!!), Tour a bunch of daycare centers, eat fancy dinner and then get into our movie-ticket-preview thing.
Wednesday: Matt and Kim concert
Thursday: Spin class & lots of exercise (which really wiped me out for Friday)
Friday: Happy Hour
And after 2 days, uninterrupted, I am feeling rested & happy.
Dan bought a HUGE bouquet of flowers for me on the Anniversary. We have some solid leads on daycare and I am no longer TOO scared of birth. (Birth class glosses over all of the complications) Life is mostly great.
My great-uncle just passed away, after a long, long battle with pancreatic cancer. I'm sad--I had some good times playing cards with him while I was a kid/pre-teen. I know they're having a hell of a card game up in heaven now, though, all of the family that has passed away is playing Progressive Rummy. And Jack is mad that he lost.
But I had no plans for Saturday.
No plans for Sunday.
This is rare, usually we'll call someone or do something or blah blah blah, but this time, I was just not interested. Yes, I would love to hang around my house all weekend, watching Downton Abbey and reading a lot of books and cleaning.
Could be because our week went something like this:
Monday: Birth Class
Tuesday: Vote, Celebrate our 8th Anniversary (!!!), Tour a bunch of daycare centers, eat fancy dinner and then get into our movie-ticket-preview thing.
Wednesday: Matt and Kim concert
Thursday: Spin class & lots of exercise (which really wiped me out for Friday)
Friday: Happy Hour
And after 2 days, uninterrupted, I am feeling rested & happy.
Dan bought a HUGE bouquet of flowers for me on the Anniversary. We have some solid leads on daycare and I am no longer TOO scared of birth. (Birth class glosses over all of the complications) Life is mostly great.
My great-uncle just passed away, after a long, long battle with pancreatic cancer. I'm sad--I had some good times playing cards with him while I was a kid/pre-teen. I know they're having a hell of a card game up in heaven now, though, all of the family that has passed away is playing Progressive Rummy. And Jack is mad that he lost.
Friday, November 2, 2012
I needn't have worried
Oh, no need to worry. There was no response to my email at all.
Dear self,
You don't need to worry about it at all. Just keep carrying your little baby and, to quote the movie Se7en, "You love that baby every single chance you get."
Or it went something like that.
And, to quote Se7en again:
Morgan Freeman's charactert: I just don't think I can continue to live in a place that embraces and nurtures apathy as if it was virtue.
Brad Pitt's character: You're no different. You're no better.
Morgan Freeman's character: I didn't say I was different or better. I'm not. Hell, I sympathize; I sympathize completely. Apathy is the solution. I mean, it's easier to lose yourself in drugs than it is to cope with life. It's easier to steal what you want than it is to earn it. It's easier to beat a child than it is to raise it. Hell, love costs: it takes effort and work.
Dear self,
You don't need to worry about it at all. Just keep carrying your little baby and, to quote the movie Se7en, "You love that baby every single chance you get."
Or it went something like that.
And, to quote Se7en again:
Morgan Freeman's charactert: I just don't think I can continue to live in a place that embraces and nurtures apathy as if it was virtue.
Brad Pitt's character: You're no different. You're no better.
Morgan Freeman's character: I didn't say I was different or better. I'm not. Hell, I sympathize; I sympathize completely. Apathy is the solution. I mean, it's easier to lose yourself in drugs than it is to cope with life. It's easier to steal what you want than it is to earn it. It's easier to beat a child than it is to raise it. Hell, love costs: it takes effort and work.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
I can't do it.
I caved today and sent my dad an email, it's a photo of me & the baby growing ever-larger, with her name and the fact that there's only 3 more months left of baby-growing-in-utero!
Not sure what prompted my email--but if I get any type of evil response back from his wife pretending to be him, I will call it over, double done, game finito. My heart will break.
I guess I know what prompted my email. Dan moved a bookshelf out of the nursery for me and I moved the books. I came across the book that my dad bought me when we drove to DC when I was 10. "Babysitters Club Ultra Adventure 2" or something along those lines.
In your life, you will be ever-haunted by these childhood memories, but it's not haunting if you have a good relationship with the person, or even good memories. Like the unicorn my dad won for me at Adventureland when I was only 5, that's in the basement, with some other stuffed animals, waiting for the baby to grow up. I can't look at that unicorn at all without crying. It hung in my room for years, and we named it "Adventure."
I guess it's just like Shakey's Pizza, the place we went all the time when I was little. If you can look at a photo of that place and shake it off, and not be willing to connect to your children, then you're not the person who raised me anymore. I just choose to believe that person is under there somewhere, waiting. And perhaps that's the part that's the most heart-breaking of all.
I caved today and sent my dad an email, it's a photo of me & the baby growing ever-larger, with her name and the fact that there's only 3 more months left of baby-growing-in-utero!
Not sure what prompted my email--but if I get any type of evil response back from his wife pretending to be him, I will call it over, double done, game finito. My heart will break.
I guess I know what prompted my email. Dan moved a bookshelf out of the nursery for me and I moved the books. I came across the book that my dad bought me when we drove to DC when I was 10. "Babysitters Club Ultra Adventure 2" or something along those lines.
In your life, you will be ever-haunted by these childhood memories, but it's not haunting if you have a good relationship with the person, or even good memories. Like the unicorn my dad won for me at Adventureland when I was only 5, that's in the basement, with some other stuffed animals, waiting for the baby to grow up. I can't look at that unicorn at all without crying. It hung in my room for years, and we named it "Adventure."
I guess it's just like Shakey's Pizza, the place we went all the time when I was little. If you can look at a photo of that place and shake it off, and not be willing to connect to your children, then you're not the person who raised me anymore. I just choose to believe that person is under there somewhere, waiting. And perhaps that's the part that's the most heart-breaking of all.
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