Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

I can't do it.
I caved today and sent my dad an email, it's a photo of me & the baby growing ever-larger, with her name and the fact that there's only 3 more months left of baby-growing-in-utero!

Not sure what prompted my email--but if I get any type of evil response back from his wife pretending to be him, I will call it over, double done, game finito. My heart will break.

I guess I know what prompted my email. Dan moved a bookshelf out of the nursery for me and I moved the books. I came across the book that my dad bought me when we drove to DC when I was 10. "Babysitters Club Ultra Adventure 2" or something along those lines.

In your life, you will be ever-haunted by these childhood memories, but it's not haunting if you have  a good relationship with the person, or even good memories.  Like the unicorn my dad won for me at Adventureland when I was only 5, that's in the basement, with some other stuffed animals, waiting for the baby to grow up.  I can't look at that unicorn at all without crying. It hung in my room for years, and we named it "Adventure."

I guess it's just like Shakey's Pizza, the place we went all the time when I was little. If you can look at a photo of that place and shake it off, and not be willing to connect to your children, then you're not the person who raised me anymore. I just choose to believe that person is under there somewhere, waiting. And perhaps that's the part that's the most heart-breaking of all.